Well, if it is, then fanny packs are fashionable, and the old Super 8 home movie of my grandmother taking out her dentures is a hit reality TV show.

No, not all bar-shaped foods are protein bars and not all protein bars are made equal. Many protein bars purporting to be healthy are packed with ingredients you should avoid if you’re trying to lose weight, build muscle or generally get in shape. Some are so loaded up with sugar that the only thing differentiating them from a Snickers bar is the wrapper.

What You Should Be Looking for in A Protein Bar

Protein, for one. A good rule of thumb is to avoid bars with carbohydrates amounting to more than double the amount of protein in the bar. These bars are using carbs as a cheap filler, allowing them to advertise themselves as protein bars while keeping their costs down. Don’t be fooled. A protein bar should contain a lot of…wait for it…protein. Otherwise, why are you eating it?

Also, make sure you stay away from bars containing large amounts of sugar. Any fitness benefit you might derive from the other ingredients can be more than offset by caramel, honey, nougat, milk chocolate and other ingredients better suited for inclusion in a candy bar.

The Winners

These bars score big points for having great protein content and protein to carb ratios and for having very little sugar relative to the rest of the ingredients. You can feel good dropping any one of these into your gym bag for a quick protein fix after a hard workout.

Pure Protein bars: These are monsters. With 20 grams of protein and only 17 grams of carbs, they have more protein than anything else, which is rare, and they contain only two grams of sugar. Highly recommended.

Power Crunch bars: There’s less protein in Power Crunch bars than the last entry, but the ratio of protein to carbs still favors protein so you can’t go wrong with these.

Quest Bar: Containing identical amounts of protein and sugar as the Pure Protein bars but only slightly higher carb levels, Quest bars are still a great choice.

The Losers

These are decidedly not protein bars worth eating. They’re probably perfectly lovely snacks, but they aren’t going to help you reach your fitness goals.

Macrobar Protein Paradise: Cashew Caramel: They tout themselves as healthy because they’re vegan, macrobiotic and GMO-free. But none of that matters because they’re terrible protein bars. They only have 11 grams of protein and 30 grams of carbs, 10 of which is sugars. Pitch these in the closest river.

Amazing Grass Protein Superfood: Chocolate Almond Butter: These feature a whopping one extra gram of protein over the Macrobars but just as many carbs. They’re fine if you want green vegetables and “superfoods” in your protein bars, but if you want protein, look elsewhere.

Health Warrior Superfood Protein Bar: Mint Chocolate: The stats here are about the same as the last two. What’s with all the superfood protein bars? Look, it’s great if you want to offer people a healthy “super bar” but stop calling them protein bars. They aren’t. You’re embarrassing yourselves.

When you Want Protein, Grab Protein

Protein bars that contain a large quantity of their headlining ingredients will help you achieve your fitness goals more rapidly than low quality “protein” bars. The added protein goes directly to building muscle mass, and the lower carb and sugar levels won’t derail your weight loss efforts. And more protein helps you feel satisfied longer, so those Mars marketing people were lying to us all along. It’s understandable though since “Containing a small handful of peanuts, Snickers is vaguely satisfying” isn’t going to move a whole lot of product.

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